Day 2 — Your significant other

(a little late)

 Dearest Mathew,

I pray it is not too late for us. We have had so many arguments in recent times and I honestly hate fighting with you. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, but for some reason, we just cannot get back on track.

I hope you understand my need to get away this weekend. It has nothing to do with wanting to break up, it's more a way for us to have space without threatening our relationship. You can work all you want and I get to spend alone time with my friends and family. This is good for us. We can come back together and talk and work everything out. Or decide on our future path. Either way, it's needed.

I love you with all my heart and soul and although it's too soon for us to get married, I cannot wait for the day you ask me to be your wife. I am ready, but I will wait until you are as ready as I am, I promise.

 Love you forever and always,
 Jaime

Day 1 — Your oldest friend

Dear Erin,

I'm happy I met you. We got through so many tough times during middle school, high school and thereafter. We survived so many things together and through it all remained the best of friends.

I didn't think moving away would harm our friendship, considering all we've been through. But I guess it has. As close as we have been, my not being there resulted in our growing apart, and I'm sorry.

You now have Anni and Meghan to hang out with, as well as your man Jeremy. I'm happy you have a group still, but when I visit, things aren't the same. I'm an outcast, and because of that, I am not at home there anymore. You wonder why I won't move back home. That is why. I am not a part of that anymore, and I don't know if I ever could be again. I'm at home here, and I love it. I wish we could remain best friends, but time has torn us apart and you no longer need me. I understand. Although I'm not there in body, I will still be there in spirit. I promise.

Forever your very best friend,
Jaime

30 Letters in 30 Days - Intro

 I got this from Jess at Clearly Original. Figured since I haven't been posting on here, I could do this. The days may not be consecutive so bare with me! Here's the letter topics, I'll post Day 1 after this post..

The concept is 30 Days, 30 Letters.
Day 1 — Your oldest friend
Day 2 — Your crush / significant other
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/Ex-girlfriend
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 --- Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind — good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of time
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Been awhile

Yeah it's been awhile since I wrote. I'm so ashamed! Things have changed drastically in my life and I'm not sure how I feel about them.

I feel a little embarrassed about the extremely personal things I've written about on here and advertised to some very public arenas. But it is what it is and I'm not ashamed of my life.

I currently live with my new boyfriend, Mat, my son Josh and our kitten Felix. We are all living a happy life that's full of possibilities. I'm not going to gush about my man or anything of the like. It's not a high school romance. This is real, this is mature, and I'm not going to taint it with childlike displays of glee. What I will tell you is that I'm finally in a place that feels right. Some of my situation isn't glamorous (I am currently unemployed, for example), but I'm doing the best I can. Like I said, real life.

The things I said about happiness in my last post are still so very true. I've actually found myself feeling depressed about my situation recently and that post has reminded me what I know to be true. Happiness is a state of mind and only you can make yourself happy. So true and I need to re-read that from time to time so these silly feelings go away.

Be happy, be healthy, and above all, rely on yourself.

I wish I could close this as usual but unfortunately I just might have to change my blog name. So I'll end this honestly. Thanks for reading.

-Jaime

Happiness

Happiness is a state of mind. No one can make you happy. You can't buy happiness and there's no miracle drug you can take that will make you happy. Not really. You have to actively choose to be happy with who you are and what's going on in your life. That's what I've learned.

I can finally say I'm happy. After so long of dealing with depression and sad thoughts, I think I'm finally in a happy place. Why? Because I choose to be. Yes, things happen that make you sad, but it's how you deal with them that determines your level of happiness. Think about this the next time you think of yourself as unhappy. You just have to look on the bright side of things.

"My boyfriend dumped me, my world is crashing down." Well, that sucks, it really does, but what else do you have going for you in life? You have to make the effort to live in order to be happy. I thought for the longest time that that saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was a bunch of crap. But really it's pretty accurate. Those moments of happiness you get from relationships really make you who you are. Yes they hurt terribly when they end, but the lessons you learn from them will be a key in deciding your happiness in the future. Now you know not to let future boyfriends do X, Y and Z to you, and you'll know when to spot deal breakers before they escalate into damaging territory.

If I'm not making much sense it may be because I've been drinking, but really, to me, I make perfect sense. If you need further explanation or whatever, feel free to leave a comment with any questions you may have.

People, know this: only you can truly provide your own happiness. And to get there, you just have to make the effort to be happy. It may seem impossible, but trust me, it's not.

Until next time, dear readers, I remain..

The Girl Upstairs

Never meet an online friend irl

Two things I've learned from meeting online friends in real life:

1. No matter how much you think you know them, how much you get along, and how long you've been talking, this does not mean you will get along in real life, and
2. It hurts just as bad as someone who's face you've known forever when they break your heart.

Moral of the story:  If you have trust issues to begin with, do not let your guard down for anyone. Make them earn your trust before you open up and let them in.

Yes, this commitment-phobe took a chance and it bit me in the ass. Never fear, dear readers, I will learn to trust again. When, I don't know.

Long-time online friend, if you're reading: You may have wounded me, but those scars will heal eventually.

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside

-Kelly Clarkson "Behind These Hazel Eyes"

But I will heal, I promise.

Closer to you, my friend

My best friend informed me she knows about something I haven't been able to tell her for years. She was told of this very personal and horrible secret, and fortunately she isn't angry.

It was SUCH a relief that she knows and now there are absolutely no secrets between us. She understands my hesitation in telling her, and that means a lot.

I think we are closer because of it. I still wish things hadn't happened but I'm glad she could hear the facts and not get upset.